You may have won the battle, but you'll never win the war
As I headed down Union Square's staircase of despair yesterday on my commute home (seriously, what dickhead decided constructing ONE fucking connection between the L and the 4/5/6, the two most crowded trains in the entire fucking subway system, was anything close to being a rational thought?), I was flabbergasted to see the L actually pulling into the station for once in its miserable fucking existence.Overjoyed at this startingly rare occurence, I hopped right on the train. Now, being the self-absorbed and spoiled New Yorker that I am, I was of course blasting my iPod as loud as possible (random aside - I don't know if any of you remember the band Fig Dish from the mid-90s, but they had a minor radio hit with the song "Seeds." They released two outstandingly catchy albums called "That's What Love Songs Often Do" and "When Shove Goes Back to Push," and like so many of the bands I'm obsessed with, broke up shortly thereafter due to zero label support. Anyway, the band regrouped as Caviar a few years later and issued an eponymous debut back in 2000. I just started listening to it this past week, and if you're into catchy as hell, ass-kickingly loud power chord-tastic rock, I highly recommend checking them out), and completely failed to hear whatever announcement the conductor was making.
I quickly realized that the L train conductor never makes announcements, and that this was probably important. So of course after the doors close and I am trapped, I finally de-bud my ears and catch wind of the fact that FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE FUCKING REASON THIS PARTICULAR TRAIN HAS DECIDED IT IS GOING TO SKIP THIRD AND FIRST AVENUES AND GO EXPRESS DIRECTLY TO BEDFORD FUCKING AVENUE.
Skipping Third Avenue I get; it's the most worthless subway stop in New York City. But First Avenue? At 6:40 p.m., the height of fucking rush hour? Come the fuck on! First Avenue is one of the busiest stops on the damn line! Not only do I get taken all the way out of my way to Williamsburg, but I then get to wait on the Bedford Ave. platform to go back into Manhattan.
As if the L hasn't already inconvenienced the shit out of every single person in the City with 13 million service disruptions a weekend, it is now haphazardly skipping stops with reckless abandon.
I cannot possibly fathom a greater waste of time. Go fuck yourself, MTA.
posted by LA at 7:29 AM
27 Comments:
lmao, larry. serves you right for not debudding in time.
then again, i highly doubt you could have understood what was being sqawked through the loud speakers...
I hear your pain.
For instance:
My retarded, quadraplegic grandmother flew in from Ukraine last year and had never seen the city. So I took her in to show her the west side first.
"I want to see the east side" She squawked through her voice-box.
"But Grandma, the only way over there is on the L train."
"I don't care. I want to see what everyone is baggling about." (I assume baggling was a typographical error of her translator)
Off we went towards the L train. After an hour of carrying her and her gigantic wheelchair down 3 flights of stairs and 2 more hours of getting lost because the signage for the L is primarily retarded. I finally made it to the tracks for the L train.
What happened next, lives in infamy. As the L train came in, my grandmother decided she had a death wish. So she thrust her limp body on to the track of the approaching train, as I screamed out in shock and agony.
"Grandma! NOT like this! Not by the L Train!"
It was too late. The L train came in at full speed and when it hit my grandmother, it came to an abrupt stop. I jumped down into the tracks and carried my grandma back up in to her wheelchair, unscathed.
"Thanks." she said. "I always wanted to see the east side. Let's go up and wheel there."
True story. The moral? Don't take the L train. It doesn't even move fast enough to kill my retarded, quadraplegic grandmother.
I feel guilty for living in Williamsburg for two years and being happy when the L skipped Third and First Avenues.
This is my punishment. Now I suffer and live at First Avenue, and witness this at the most bizarre times. I was on a train that went directly from Union Square to Bedford at 11:00 at night on a Friday for no apparent reason.
The real kicker is when there are announcements, they have the nerve to say, "there is another train right behind this one." Then, you proceed to wait 10 minutes at Union Square for a train that will get you to a place you could probably walk to in 10 minutes.
that's funny, but i miss pgg.
I can totally sympathize with you. Although my pain is not inflicted by the evil L line, it is often matched by the Queens blvd. lines (especially the f'n E train). I love it when I have to wait 20 minutes for a local, only to be told that the train is being rerouted to BROOKLYN via the G line for no apparent reason. Yes, MTA bastards, what I really need during rush hour is to take a leisurely and inconvenient detour to another freakin' borough!
Argh!
On another note - HAPPY FRIDAY!
Please tell me that Grandmother story was fake. Because, as the grandchild of retarded pygmies with a healthy will, I will cross that off my "Get Rich Quick" list.
walk - its 3 fucking blocks to 1st ave from union square! You should be shot for taking the subway for that short a distance...like those who ride the elevator 1 fucking floor. Climb you fat fuck! Unless you are handicapped, you have no excuse.
I have a feeling our friend works at Astor Place. Fighting the crowd down those stairs is the most walking he does all day.
the L has been much, much better in 2006 than it was last year.
that train never ceases to make me want to commit suicide at least once a week.
Caviar is fucking amazing. That song Clean Getaway is one of the best songs of this decade. Dave Suh from Caviar was in another great Chicago band, Woolworthy. Check 'em out (if you can find their stuff).
I got on an L train a couple months back that blasted all the way from Union Square all the way to Wilson without so much as a peep from the conductor. Good times.
The best part is when the make the announcement AFTER THEY CLOSE THE DOORS so you have no choice but to go to Bedford Ave. Listen, I understand these things happen, but open the damn doors and let those of us not wanting to cross the East River off.
I actually had to restrain a guy from going after the conductor when he locked us on the train.
"walk - its 3 fucking blocks to 1st ave from union square! You should be shot for taking the subway for that short a distance"
Um, have you been on 14th Street? It's fucking New Delhi. I'll fucking tunnel before I walk on 14th Street. And, they're CITY blocks, Dick.
Dude, you're a poseur. That happens like 3 times a week.
i <3 the third avenue stop.
There are definitely white notices posted EVERYWHERE warning people about schedule changes...so while I agree that the L sucks ass, there's no excuse for getting yourself into that mess.
"(seriously, what dickhead decided constructing ONE fucking connection between the L and the 4/5/6, the two most crowded trains in the entire fucking subway system, was anything close to being a rational thought?)"
Um, that would be the dickhead who well understood that most of the people living in Williamsburg & Greenpoint at that time, and overcrowding the Union Sq stairs today, also worked in Williamsburg & Greenpoint. How could he have foreseen that those working-class immigrant neighborhoods would one day be overrun with self-important art school snobs, navel-gazing whiners, shrieking trustifarians, and (coming soon!) freshmen investment bankers who couldn't find a floor-through in the East Village?
It is true that you probably wouldn't be able to understand what the fucking conductor said anyway. Why dont they just turn down the volume on the fucking speakers or simply move the microphone away out of their mouth when speaking into it. I guess making announcements on the subway is not part of the strenuous course one takes to become a subway conductor. The quicker they are all replaced with machines the better.
But, turning to the L train, a train I rarely take because its such a piece of shit. I gotta say I think the F train is the diamond in the rough of the subway system. I used to think it was horrible, but compared to the unreliable NRW line which goes over the Manhattan bridge without even making an announcement sometimes, or the 456 line which is always crowded and slow, or not running to Brooklyn, the F train rocks the house.
I take the L train twice daily -- rush hour(s). The morning is usually a fucking huge wait, but the 9 or so Catholic high school girls waiting in their 4" long baby blue pleated skirts makes the wait worthwhile. Everyone tries not to stare, but the harder they try, the more they make it harder on themselves. When the train blows by, I force myself to look away in the event that if I'm actually able to see what's under there, that might land me in Rikers, where "staring" takes on a whole new meaning. Yet, sometimes, it's totally worth it. Those uniforms are more dangerous than the 3rd rail!
"walk - its 3 fucking blocks to 1st ave from union square! You should be shot for taking the subway for that short a distance...like those who ride the elevator 1 fucking floor. Climb you fat fuck! Unless you are handicapped, you have no excuse."
Technically it is 4 (crosstown) blocks. More if you count that small block between 4th Ave and Union Square. if I have big bags of groceries, I have no problem hopping on the bus or catching the train.
Plus once I commit to the train, I might as well transfer too, and enjoy my book. (and get the most out of my $2)
Not to mention that sometimes you just feel like riding, sometimes you don't.
to the guy who wrote
"I take the L train twice daily -- rush hour(s). The morning is usually a fucking huge wait, but the 9 or so Catholic high school girls waiting in their 4" long baby blue pleated skirts makes the wait worthwhile. Everyone tries not to stare, but the harder they try, the more they make it harder on themselves. When the train blows by, I force myself to look away in the event that if I'm actually able to see what's under there, that might land me in Rikers, where "staring" takes on a whole new meaning. Yet, sometimes, it's totally worth it. Those uniforms are more dangerous than the 3rd rail!"
you are fucking sick. get yourself help before you rape someone. if you haven't already.
Uck, fucking spoiled Manhattan L users. You are the bane of my Brooklynite existence. You are the ones who slow down my commute by at least 15 minutes every morning, waiting like rats, blocking all exits out of the L so those of us who've been on it since DeKalb can't get off to get the bus.
Spoiled Manhattanites: It's beautiful outside now! WALK FROM UNION SQUARE TO 1ST. Just think--if you did that every day, you might not have to pay $75 this month for a gym membership.
Also, someone please erase that disgusting comment about high school girls. God what a douchebag.
Bravo to Anonymous ("How could he have foreseen that those working-class immigrant neighborhoods would one day be overrun with self-important art school snobs, navel-gazing whiners, shrieking trustifarians, and (coming soon!) freshmen investment bankers who couldn't find a floor-through in the East Village?")
...many of the whiners don't realize that it is with THEIR influx into Williamsburg that the L is as crowded as it is NOW - and the domino effects being felt by residents on the Manhattan side (1st & 3rd Ave stops). Even just 5-10 years ago, the L platforms from Bedford to Grand were not as crowded as they are now. And it will only get worse with each luxury condo/rental building that is being constructed.
The worst is when you hop on the right train going the WRONG direction and end up in Canarsie cuz it's the two-stop express.
At least your train goes INTO Manhattan when it runs. Try living by the G train.
And to back this dude's words, if the MTA goes on strike EVER again while I live in New York, so that they can retire with more money and younger while I work freelance jobs until I'm 95 years old I will gather an army of freelancers that will unleash an ass kicking to any greedy MTA union head or ignorant city official and I'll drive the trains myself. Jerks...
There is something beautiful about a snarky iPod deafened Manhattan blogger being forced to go to Brooklyn and then back again to Manhattan. Somewhere in the Village, a bartender is happy that the guy who shortchanges her on tips didn't show that night.
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