A memo to Guys With Moustaches
How come every guy who has a moustache always looks like a Guy With A Moustache? You never see guys without moustaches and think "man, that guy's face really looks like it could use some hair on its upper lip," but anytime you see a Guy With A Moustache, they look as if they came out of the womb with their whiskers.
The following faces literally scream "There are no two ways around it. I am a Guy With A Moustache":
It's weird seeing Guys With Moustaches. Have you ever seen a Guy With A Moustache younger than 30? Have you ever even seen a skinny Guy With A Moustache? This trend managed to completely skip a generation, and even the generation that adopted it has mostly shorn their lip rugs. However, those that continue to pervade the style are adamant about preserving their 'staches. My dad has had a moustache for over half his life. I have never seen my father's face without a moustache. And I most likely never will, as I have begged him countless times to shave, just so I could see what he actually looks like. But he always refuses. The moustache has seized control of my father's rationality and become a central part of how he chooses to define himself.
How come my generation knows people look ridiculous with moustaches, but people who wear them seem incapable of drawing the same conclusion? It's come to the point where it has to be assumed that anyone seen growing a moustache is doing it for comedic purposes. I know nothing would please my friends more than to see the most baby-faced member of the group attempt to cultivate a 'stache. Somehow this completely natural (for some) growth is considered the epitome of humor.
So here's my plea to Guys With Moustaches. Just because you think you're a Guy With A Moustache, and everyone tells you you look just like a guy who would have a moustache, doesn't mean it has to be that way. Why not go against the grain for once? Head over to your local drug store, pick up a razor and shave that puppy off. I promise you, no one will miss it. With the possible exception of your wife's vagina.
posted by CT at 7:35 AM
8 Comments:
Negative on the vagina.
No vagina would miss a stache. trust me.
that shit hurts.
Moustaches are absurd. I offered to pay my friends last year if they would all grow moustaches for Halloween and that could be their costume. They almost took me up on it.
"How come my generation knows people look ridiculous with moustaches."
And of course, your generation has never worn any OTHER form of ridiculous facial hair. Jeez, you guys practically invented the stupid chin-beard and then braided and beaded the damn things. And let's not get started on the endless iterations of ugly-ass sideburns
Pot paging kettle, pot paging kettle, please come in.
Not that mustaches are anything but ridiculous, but come on.
Touche.
What I should have written was "How come the intelligent members of my generation know people look ridiculous with facial hair in general."
Better?
Alright, you keep begging your dad to shave his moustache off and he just might do it once. then you'll be sorry.
My dad shaved his off once after having it for 3/4 of my life. HOLY SHIT!! He looked like a total idiot! I never knew he had an upper lip, and I even less expected it to look the way it did! My point is: don't tell people with moustaches to shave them off, because they look even stupider without them.
Oh and sideburns are cool. just not those funny thin ones that look painted on.
Thank you for writing something to help us girls out. Mustaches are a bit ewww. Big scraggly facial hair, same result...although goatees can be cute. But it's all subjective.
I don't like beardburn, though.
Now can you work on guys to wear sweaters - not buttondown long gay crap, but just cute, hot sweaters?
Gotta disagree with the first Anon - not a fan of beardless vaginas. Now, I don't want to kiss a vagina with a mountain man beard, but as they say in soccer, I wouldn't feel right playing if there's no grass on the pitch.
Agree with the second Anon though - people who lose their mustache look really, really bad.
Much better, Larry.
And I think spinachdip missed the point. Anon was saying that a woman's vagina would never miss a MAN's moustache, not that she was planning on shaving her own bush.
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