It would be less awkward if you ripped each other's clothes off and started fucking
I've written about this in the past, but it continues to be a stain on the fabric of society.In elevators across the country, the following conversation was held approximately 153.2 million times yesterday:
Idiot1: So, how was your holiday weekend?
Idiot2: Fantastic. Went by way too fast though.
Idiot1: They always do.
What was the point of this exchange? Neither of you conveyed anything remotely relevant to each other. Why do people feel compelled to chat strangers up while occupying the same cramped space? Just because you are sharing a moving box doesn't mean you have to engage each other in pointless conversation.
On days that aren't the first day after a weekend, replace the above conversation with the following:
Idiot1: Cold out there, huh?
Idiot2:
Idiot1: I hear it's supposed to warm up/get colder/snow 73 inches by the weekend.
Idiot2:
If you don't actually know each other on enough of a substantive level to have a meaningful conversation, why bother with pleasantries? Holding these generic weekend and weather-related discussions is really more of a slap to the face than anything else. You may as well be saying "I have no idea who the fuck you are, nor do I care, but I better at least prove I possess basic linguistic competence."
Help stop the madness. Slowly but surely you can help destroy mindless elevator chit-chat and get back to purposefully staring at the digital floor readout, waiting to make your great escape. If you see someone you don't know getting on the elevator, do us all a favor and shut the fuck up.
posted by LA at 7:21 AM
13 Comments:
I'm surprised you make no mention of my favorite pointless/ utterly irritating elevator convo. Which is, someone- doesn't matter who, I guess whoever feels complelled to hear is hown voice at the time. Pointing out that "I guess this is the local" each time the elevator stops on every other floor. Then theres always awkward giggles or "...Guess so..." which just makes him think he can use the line again anytime he feels like.
So here I was all along feeling flattered that every time I get in the elevator, some random guy makes chit chat with me. Are you saying it's not me?!?
What you describe, and malign, is an essential part of human interaction. It's called phatic communication: using conventional messages to establish rapport, to break the ice, and/or to end a conversation.
DOWN WITH SMALL TALK!!!!
I try to make my elevator conversations as inappropriate and uncomfortable for other people as possible.
I make an effort to incorporate one or more of the following into my small talk: gambling losses, drug use, radical politics, petty crime, false, malicious rumors about companies in the building, major crimes, overt racism, multiple sexual partners, multiple sexual partners of both genders, sex with minors and "Saved By the Bell".
Goddamn you're young.
i alleviate such things by "listening" to my ipod, regardless of if it's turned on, or better yet "checking my messages" on my phone. once you make eye contact it's all over. and if someone gets a wild hair and actually tries to say something i nod, smile and ignore. it tends to work, though i only work on the 14th floor so there's about 5 seconds of awkward time before the doors open again. i might just try spinach's saved by the bell thing though.. that show rocks!
Not a fan of idle chit chat myself at all. But you know what is 100 times worse? Being stuck in an elevator with screaming kids. I'll take a weahter conversation any day over that.
But, if I do ever see you in an elevator, I wil lbe sure to shut my fucking sandwich clamp.
The elevator talk is the worst.
Examine this conversation I overheard on Tuesday:
Woman 1: Have you seen Final Destination 3 yet?
Woman 2: No....
Woman: Oh you've gotta see it!! Those are great movies!! Final Destination 2 is the best.
I didn't think anyone had ever said those words: Final Destination 2 is the best.
i'd almost rather the inane chitchat than the standing military style forward while gluing your eyes to the fasinating assent of floors lit up above knowing that you could/should make some sort of humane gesture...
but i'm with the ipod wearer...it's a savior...if only the damn batteries didn't konk out 15 mins into my commute...
Or when people in the elevator won't move to make room! I hate that.
or worse yet the guy or lady on the subway who picks you, the one blasting music out of your Ipod, out of the 12 other people standing around without headphones on, to ask you some retarded question or have some stupid comment.
Hmmn. The definition of insanity is...doing the same thing and expecting a different result? Conditioning is repetative. Patience is a virtue. What to do? Shut the fuck up!! Most things happen when you are not talking.
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