You're 24 years old and engaged. Are you fucking insane?
While I believe it's possible to find love at such a young age, I still find it incredible that a handful of my peers have apparently already decided they've found the one person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Fortunately none of my close friends have jumped ship yet, as I am fully expecting to dive out multiple windows upon receiving my first wedding invitation, though I can only imagine that I will be the recipient of this painful news sooner rather than later.Regardless, does it really make sense to become engaged at the ripe young age of 24? I know I'm very jaded and bitter about love in general, but it just seems preposterous to me that people can make these decisions having barely experienced life out of college. I suppose I'd be whistling a different tune had I already found the love of my life, but even if I had there's no way I'd be able to make such a grand life decision now. For starters, who can afford it? Even if you're willing to scrimp by for a few years until you get that kickass job and appropriate salary bump, you still won't be able to realistically raise children right away, at least not in New York City. I'd love to see the statistics on divorce rates among people who marry at a young age - I bet they're astronomically high.
Am I anti-marriage? Not on your life. There's nothing I'm looking forward to more than finding and marrying that one woman who makes me so happy and selfless that the thought of not being with her makes me pine for death. But before I can do that, I need to be sure that I'm finding the right person for me.
Which makes me wonder - how many couples out there in relatively long-term relationships are staying together out of convenience? Sure, any given couple obviously likes each other, but once you pass that year-or-so threshold you almost gotta start wondering "do I really, truly love this person? Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with them?" Because otherwise, you've just wasted a big fat year of your life that you ain't getting back.
And if the answer is in fact no, how many of those long-term relationship people still decide to stick it out, because who wants to go back out into the playing field where it can be incredibly rough weekend after weekend? Additionally, you'll be plagued by endless thoughts of wondering whether anyone else will ever love you like your significant other does.
Is that enough? The unconditional love of another? Even if you don't necessarily love that person back? I bet it is enough in certain cases. We're only given so many opportunities in our lives; and sometimes you just gotta take what's dealt your way.
I'm just wondering if peoples' anxiety over being single or whether they truly will find the person of their dreams leads one to make a rash decision like getting engaged too young.
At least it ain't my funeral.
posted by LA at 7:01 AM
50 Comments:
I feel exactly the same way...except I was engaged at 23. The right guy game along, and he was so perfect that I couldn't let him go. It was either that or we went our seperate ways, and I knew that I would never find this quality of man again.
After a year of marriage, I still wake up and think "Damn, he is still perfect."
Is this because you just heard I am engaged?
-SY
I was engaged at 24, and married at 25. I have no plans to have kids any time soon, and financially, being married has been precisely the same as living together, except I have better health insurance.
I doubt that divorce rates are that much higher for people at 24. Maybe 20, 21, but when I got married I had been out of school for 4 years, had been dating my husband for 7 years, and living with him for 4. If I wasn't ready then, honestly, when would I have been?
ooooooh I hear ya!
24 was THE BEST time of my life..I never dated or fucked so much..
That's the thing they have NO clue what lies ahead...Maybe where they are is "good enough" for them, but most of us want to see a bit more before we commit!
Fuck marriage--I told my parents I hope they are not disappointed that I plan to live in sin for the rest of my life..lol
oooh and pardon my french!
I couldn't agree with you more. I was engaged at 23, married at 24, and divrced at 28. Great. I was too young to be getting married, but like so many others I thought it was enough that he loved me (as you mention in your post). Guess what? That's not enough. People - especially women - should wait longer before taking the plunge. I wish I had.
But for the record, I don't feel like that time was wasted. I learned a lot about myself in the process.
I can't agree with you more. I moved to DC straight out of college, and I found that most people there who where my age were cohabitating/engaged/married...at 23. I chalked it up to the conservative nature of the town. I moved to New York at 25 (two years ago) and found that a lot of people my age are...wait for it...cohabitating/engaged/married. Maybe it's the upswing in conservative social values and the emphasis on marriage. Maybe it's the appeal of not having to undergo long stretches of involuntary celibacy. Maybe some people happen to find the right person for them earlier than others. I don't know. I think some people are ready that young, and others just crave the security.
I personally think it makes sense to marry early. You wanna spend your young energetic party years with the one you love, before losing all that fun time to kids in your 30s. You don't wanna waste your life hooking up with random people, marrying someone at 30 yrs old then have no time together before cranking the children out. If you find the right person, it shouldnt feel like a burden or like you're tied down. You can still party with your friends, and you get sex 24/7. sounds like a good deal to me.
-kate
Someone I know is on his second shitty marriage, complete with anorexic wallet thanks to yet another dysfunctional broad with bloated baggage (read: her spoiled, idiotic children/grandchildren). The reason?
And I quote: "Guaranteed p*ssy!"
i went through the deluge of cohabitations/engagements etc of friends at the ripe ages of 24 - 26. and now i'm hitting the divorces/breakups of many of those same couples at 28. i think that you're 20s are all about finding yourself and that by the time your'e in your 30s, you should have truly become comforable in your own skin.
at 28 i'm still in the learning phase and thankful for every fucked up and alternatively wonderful relationship i've had in the past 8 years. i've learned the difference between having a boyfriend and a lover, had my heart broken, broken hearts, recognized the difference between making love and when it's just sex, and, most importantly, that i deserve better than to settle for some guy who doesn't rock my world - intellectually, sexually and emotionally.
so i'll remain happily single until i meet him. dont' rush - you have your entire life ahead of you. would you really want to look back and wonder what if?
Anonymous - that may be one of the most intelligent, rational, well thought-out comments this blog has ever seen.
you would think so, being they're perfectly in line with your views.
Larry,
Amazingly enough I was in the process of writing the exact same post. Although, my headline was a little more harsh than yours. It read "Married at 24? Go back to the 70s, hippy. You disgust me."
I'm glad I didn't though because I would be making fun of my sister who is happily married with one kid and another in the wretched womb, waiting to be popped out. Then again, she does live in Lewisville, MD, which isn't exactly a place that is condusive to meeting your future fuck-buddy, err, I mean soul-mate.
Either way, I agree whole-heartedly with your views.
I just think it's a lame assumption that if you got married in your 20's you haven't "found yourself" and you've rushed.
It's amazing how we're not all the same person with the same needs, no?
wow, somebody's bitter!
Obviously everyone's different. Some people are lucky enough to have found "the one" at a young age and some people are lucky enough to be 24 and fucking the entire city. To each his own...who are we to judge? Just be happy with whichever path you're taking and enjoy it.
Agreed, most recent anonymous.
Disagreed, most recent anonymous.
There are right ways and wrong ways about things. I hate this wishy-washy bologna. Walking across a highway during rush-hour for a $20 bill might make someone happy, but that doesn't make it a good idea.
I'm not opposed to getting married at an early age. My sister did it and she's very happy and leads a great life. She didn't rush into it though. I think that's really when things get hairy. The age really doesn't matter as much (for guys it matters even less). It's more important to spend inordinate amounts of time with the person to found out what they are REALLY like before jumping in to a lifetime commitment. That way you find out you can't deal with them before you become Mr. and Mrs. Douche.
Not like I have the faintest idea what I'm talking about. I can't even get a date. *tear*
being 24 and engaged doesnt mean you rushed into anything, as in your sisters case. I dont think its being wishy washy to say its great for people who find "the one" at an early age and its also great for people who are enjoying single life at 25.
How can you say you disagree with the idea that people should just be happy with what they have and make the best of it either way?
I am 24 years old and ... just got engaged last week! Honestly, the past three years of my adult life (although short) have been awesome. I partied a lot; dated a lot; traveled a lot; went into debt a lot; learned a lot.
I NEVER thought I'd get married at my age, but I fell in love with my best friend and it just all makes sense to me now.
ONE THING IS CERTAINLY TRUE... not all 24 year olds are mature enough for a commitment like marriage. Not to put myself of a pedestal but we all have to decide on our own priorities and timelines and for some, love and companionship is more important than picking up a hot guy and taking him home (which was fun, but I'm glad I've moved on).
THE BOTTOM LINE…. There is no perfect age. You can wait until you’re 40 to get married, but that’s no guarantee that that relationship will work. It all depends on YOU and your ability to make good choices and NOT your age.
By the way, my "ball and chain" and I are defending our title as champions at a 'flip cup tournament' this weekend. I may be getting married, but I don't have to sit at home and be lame (or have babies) ;)
Well Kate, what it really all depends on is finding someone so amazing that you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
Sure maturity plays into it, but it's not like you can wake up one day and say "Oh, I'm ready to get married now" and miraculously find a perfectly compatible partner.
Very true, Larry. However, the topic at hand is whether or not 24 year-olds *should* get married at that age. THAT all has to do with that 24 year old's maturity level and priorities.
Its hard to find someone who is great enough to want to marry them, so I'm not downplaying that at all!
WTF is the point of getting married, anyway? Of what benefit is marriage, except that it guarantees you'll get HALF when it's all over, with a 1/3 or that half going to your divorce attorney?
FOREVER is naive, folks. It's not really forever. It's forever until you either get tired of the other person, or he/she screws up and breaks a rule.
Forever is a fairy tale.
Thank you. Thank you too many times over to type. I'm single. I'm on the cusp of my 25th birthday. Everyone I know feels the need to try to bind me to a guy they know "and is really great." NO thank you. WHY? As you said, I would love nothing more in the world to meet the guy who makes my entire being weak each time I see him. That is worth marrying.
"Worth marrying" is not Mr. I've Been With Him since I met him at a party in a dorm room sophmore year of college and now it's routine and comfortable. I think the majority of people who get married (since so many of them get divorced) just want a wedding. Women especially. They want a lavish party so they can feel special and harass their family and friends with the verse "It's MY day!" Gross. They seek out comfort---which should be a component of a healthy relationship TO A DEGREE---and settle. And it's sad to me.
I once loved a guy more than I have loved any other who followed him. It didn't work out---NO COMMENT---and to this day, I remember what it was like to just love every second we spent together. And the fighting and problems: Par for the course. And they were worth it because now I know what lies on the other side of settling...and it's truly worth holding out for. And what if it never finds you? Well...that is a matter of self reliance and the ability to find meaning in your life outside of a crutch of a relationship.
Marriage doesn't mean perfection for life. In fact, it seems to mean, until we change in one way or another and realize we made a pretty expensive and major mistake. Cynical? No. I loved your blog. 24 is too young for anything. Period. You may fall in love young---and that's wonderful. But like your age, the relationship needs to ripen. Then you'll see if it's going to make it to "Forever."
In the meantime...I ask the "Forevers" to stop making singles feel like shit. We're just perceptive enough to learn from your gigantic mistakes. We're the ones who have to listen to you blither and moan on the phone at 2am because your 25 year old husband inadvertenly called you "fat."
Nah...I'll hold out, thanks.
*This blog sucked me in. I'll keep reading...
wow!!! im new to b-logging or whatever its called.......
Im 34 today....and single......
i bought a house about 2 years ago.....it feels pretty good....but i think i would like it filled with a family. i was engaged at 28 to 23 y.o. and it fell apart. Ever since i've been dating and dating.....one woman for 2 yrs. she was great but different race, didnt think much about the race but my family made an issue of it...and eventually it took its toll.....now im dating a 25 yr old for just over a year and im still not sure. We argue sometimes and i'll call her immature ...... i still "dont know".........
im sure someone will b-log and say "get rid of her and move on" i guess they're right...for some reason Im (at 34) aren't too sure what to do ...........dont we all want the "right one" or do we all wait to see when the right one comes around
Well - what an interesting read. You see, I hooked up with then boyfriend at 20, now 10 years later, one son and all the other baggage of a marriage - I hate it and I want the fastest off ramp I can find. You see... He know who he was, what he wanted and all that shit... I didn't. Now at 30, i have a damn clue what I don't want, and he deserves someone much more dedicated & shit than me.
So from someone who is there... don't go there until you are at least 30... or you too can find your self waking up realizing that everything you thought you wanted in life, and every bit of who you are doesn't exist anymore... a bitter bitter place to be.
Theresa
engaged at 24???
persons in question are securing a fuck partner FOREVER, said persons are EXTREMELY unattractive therefore unable to sport fuck at random..NO OTHER reason can make me marry at 24.. unless my fiance comes from a criminally rich family- to be fucking the same guy for the rest of my life, if God wanted me to be with the same guy forever he wouldn't have made OTHER MEN SO DAMN ATTRACTIVE.
24 is prime sex action, prime, no way absolutely no way..What no way no way no way...
I'm 25...single again after a relationship that lasted way too long. Towards the end I wasn't even attracted to him anymore. I still felt really bad being the one that had to cut it off, but I couldn't bring myself to marry him. It would be like lying to God in a church. Being alone sucks, but it was the right thing for to do. I didn't love him. It wasn't enough.
YES! This is exactly how I feel. If you are 24 and engaged you are fucking insane. My former best friend, who I made the mistake of living with last yr. and hadn't talked to since last week, just told me she's engaged (at 23). This is what happens when I stop being peoples' friend...they get engaged.
Ok I get it, you're "in love" blah, blah, blah. But if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person (and theoretically you do, since you are getting married), why does the rest of your life have to start RIGHT NOW? Live together for a few years, then see. The average lifespan in this country is something like 75. At 25, even if you live together for 5 years before marriage, that still gives you 45 years of marriage! No need for more than that.
This is going to make you flip.
I am not married, and don't plan to be married until after I graduate, in 3 years, and have finacial security. The same is to him. Josh is 20 now, and I am 18. I accepted his marriage proposal at 15.
Since then, we have gone throuh alot together. He graduated HS a year ahead of me, and worked, waiting for me to finish. We made the descion together to go to the same university, 5 hours away from home. We did not move in together, nor do we sleep together. That is for the marriage bed. We have been through a diagnosis of chronic and turmoil illness, death, dissaproval at our relationship (3 and a half years and counting), our reliegons our opposite, our race is different (he is white, I am half white, half asian), and our economic upbringing. But we have lasted through out it all, and will continue to. I know that when I accepted that ring, I was making a promise, for better, for worse, and it wasn't a childish answer. We stuck it out, and will continue to.
What I hate is the children out there who do not understand the seriousness of the promise of engagment, or marriage, and therefore give it a bad name by breaking it up when the going gets tough. Josh and I have grown together, and been through thick and thin, as we should, as life partners. And we will keep it that way forever.
Jasmine Bowen
cassi_Winters@hotmail.com
Feel free to contact me
To continue my comment above,
The dating game is played to find the love of your life, the "ONE"...if you win early, why keep playing?
People are shallow about life, and about sex as well. For those of us who have a moral and values system, and who don't want to "fuck around", and who are mature about life, why not get married young.
He is studying to be a City Planner, and I am study in Drama and Theatre. Our money, from his job as a secruity gaurd, and mine as an actress, and semi-professional model, is being saved. Neither of us, are as you call it, "ugly"...just happy with each other, and nothing more.
your columns are funny, but reflect a good deal of in-the-mold naivete, which is probably why you haven't got that big break you've been wanting. you talk about our generation's lives as being divided by the four-year college line, the "salary bump," and the conventional path through life. you know, the one we were all spoon-fed in our clone-factory high school days.
i'm 24, and i have been outta school for three years already; i went to conservatory for two years, after spending a couple years post high-school with a white collar on getting some office experience. i'm a journalist now, write from home, and have been "homemaking" ever since i moved in with my boyfriend five years ago. so, i've got an established career and a developed love relationship- why can't i get married? and you talk about readiness to have children as a measure of fitness to get married- why? as long as the couple has similar views on whether they want kids and how long they think it should take if they do, who cares if they're ready? in fact, i think that as a young couple, or newlyweds, they should be more interested in each other at this stage of their life, anyway.
like i said, your writing still tends to reflect a sort of linear uncreativity in your perception of your generation-- sorta like a "trapped in HS" feel. people are all different; your overgeneralization shows you're maybe a little sheltered.
What about someone who is engaged at 24 for a few months to a 23 year old brilliant girl, and less that six months after he cheats on her with me? What do you think is going to happen if they marry?
Who are you to judge? I am 21 and engaged and I have been dating my fiance for 3 years. I love him to death and NO divorce rates are not higher for young people getting married. Just because we are getting married doesn't mean we are having children right away, and if we did is that any of your business how we decide to live our lives? Do I judge you because you ARE NOT engaged, no. I hope someday you find the love of your life and are as happy as I am and many of your friends are.
7/19/2006 11:19 PM -
Wow, you sure are defensive. Are you SURE you're making the right decision? Have fun being married at 21.
Some of the happiest couples I know got married after only knowing each other a week and falling madly in love (my grandparents included, who were still madly in love until they died). Some people who wait to get married until they're forty get divorced within five years because they can't adjust to their life no longer being single. Who says you know when strangers are ready for marriage?
I have been dating the love of my life for 6 years. We have had some great times and some rough times. I am out of college now and have a steady salary income. This girl means the world to me. She has been hinting that she would like to get married and I feel the same way. However, I don't know if I am completely ready because I am only 20 years old. Did I really find the love of my life at the age of 14? Is it possible? I wake up everyday with love in my heart for this girl, my love, my best friend. She has always believed in me and stood by me during rough times and is always there for me. I would do anything for this girl. I know I love her and I have been asking myself if I am ready to get engaged. We did break up for a little while during the high school years. When that happened nothing in my life seemed right.
I am pretty close with her family, like I said, its been 6 years. I guess you could say, "I'm in the circle of trust." lol
I know I want to marry this girl. But am I mentally ready? I guess when it comes down to it the question is am I ready to give up the chance of being physically active with another girl for the rest of my life. Even though I have been true to my girlfriend for the past 6 years.
I am a better person when I am with her. She completly fulfills me. Our 6th year anniversary is coming up on September 22nd. What do you get the love of your life to celebrate that?
Sorry for rambling. If anyone can answer the very last question than I think it would help.
to the last anonymous....
get her an engagement ring! (or break up)
So, essentially, what this all comes down to is that you have to be "ready" to get married, no matter what age you are.
I am in a sorority house of about 80 girls and "engagement fever" is going around. The first few girls engaged are ready, but now the flash of those new shiny diamonds are blinding in the other girls' eyes, AND THEY ALL WANT A RING!! What hurts the most, is knowing that so many of these girls aren't ready.
So you, as many have, may ask, what is "ready?" To hell if I know. First off I think it might include being willing to cut my intense cardio workout down to come home and cook you dinner and vaccum your floors - which I know I'm not ready for.
Basically I think you need to be a whole person before you are in any sort of relationship - ie. have your own identity - and the person you are in the relationship needs to be the same way. Only then can two people come together and perfectly compliment each other. Just please make sure you know who you are and that you know the other person well. (I saw one of my sister's now-fiance on a date with another girl just a few weeks ago.)
I guess if you know yourself and the other person and you wanna get married - go for it. Me, I'm gonna hit the gym.
There's a lot of really long in-depth responses on here to a question that has no answer. Some people are ready to settle down at 24, some younger, some much older. Some people never want to tie the knot. There are so many factors that play a role in engagement and marriage... I think that each individual should make the decision on their own (or with their partner) on whether or not marriage is for them, and if it is, when it should happen. If two people truly love each other it shouldn't matter at what age they are engaged or married, the fact that they are together and happily with each other is what counts. And for those who don't want to be tied down forever, that is a personal choice that nobody should talk down upon. Just my opinion, feel free to agree or disagree as you please.
I meet my DH at 21 he was 22 (december b-day), now I'm 27 and he's 29. We got married last year at 26 and 27. We've lived together since pretty much the beginning.
We bought homes together, saved for retirement together, and basically enjoy life together. I left home for college at 16, I had my fake ID before then and probably partied as hard as a normal 21 year old. People in hawaii mature fast (15 is old for a virgin). So I was done with partying, done with getting drunk by the time I meet him, I had dated enough, slept with other people and was quite content to settle down.
We still go out and went out a lot. By the way, he had worked for a year in college to find himself between his 3rd and 4th years. He grew up a lot in that year. We just happened to find each other.
I enjoy his company everyday, and there is no one else I'd rather be with. We've suffered through graduate school, moving cross country, death, illness and we're still here. It's not convience or else one of us would have left a long time ago. Trust me it would have been a lot easier.
I think we're just lucky in the dating game. We got off the merry go round earlier. My sister married at 22 and is still happy at 46. My brother too. My other brother married at 35 and seems happy too. It just matters if you meet the one.
On my 4 year anniversary with my boyfriend we got engaged. Now I am kind of regretting it and wondering if it is what I truly want right now. I am 20 and he is 22 and I think that he is more ready than I am. We live 700 miles apart and most of our relationship has been long distance. It seems that love is not enough at this point and I do not know what to do. I agree that it is a tough decision and should take time to make sure that you are ready.
Hey Anonymous,
I'm 25 and married for 4 &1/2 yrs and just splitting up with my husband. I thought I did it all right, dated for 1 & 1/2yrs, engagement for 1 & 1/2 yrs and then the happy wedding. Not saying I regret it but I don't think I got all the partying out of my system or "found myself" and now I'm wishing I had. I love my husband very much, but wonder if that's enough. I did have some reservations before we got married but obviously didn't listen to them. I guess you should trust your woman's intuition, I've found that more often it's right than wrong.
I'm 23 and have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years. People ask me all the time "don't you want to date other ppl youre only 23." My answer is NO, if I wanted to I would, this is what I want now and I'm happy. So, to whoever gets married at 18,21,24 why do you care..if it makes them happy then good for them!
I'm 45. I married at 22. I am still happily married...to the same man.
I met my husband at 19, we got engaged at 23, married at 24 and had our first child at 25. Now I'm 43, I have 3 teenagers, I have NOTHING in common with my husband. We've grown apart, I still "love" him mostly because he's the father of my children, but I certainly don't like him anymore!
Reading all these different ideas leads me to believe that there is obviously no "right" answer. what works for one may not work for most or even anyone else. Additionally, I feel like maybe there is no way to ever really "know" when you are done looking and when its time to settle down. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 1/2 years. We graduated from the same college and moved in together. I think some of my friends at first were a little shocked but not they are fine with it I think. I have had one other serious relationship of 2 years. when I think about marriage and when i will know if he is the 'one', I don't think I will ever know for sure. All I know is that when I think about not being with him I feel sick to my stomach. I love him and I don't know anyone in the world I get along with better than him. I'm about to turn 23 but I think I'd like to wait 2-3 more years to get married. Does anyone think that I'm crazy to do that...I believe that we have a very healthy and loving relationship. Maybe I don't feel as head over heels crazy about him as I once did but I certainly do love him and feel we are compatible.
Ok what do you think about this:
I was speaking with my mother about this very question. She is divorced twice and has trouble finding a guy that makes her happy. She has a Ph.D and believes that as a woman gets more education, she is less willing to stay in an unhappy longterm-relationship (for either financial reasons or b/c she sees broader horizons for herself) and thus, is more likely to divorce. On the other hand, my mom's sister did not go to college and married at 19. She is now 65 and still with the same man, happily it seems. Does anyone else think that the more education a woman gets, the less likely/ easy it is for her to be in a lifelong happy relationship?
"Live together for a year" before getting married?! Actually, statistics show that people who live together before getting married are the ones more likely to be divorced.
This entry basically just sounds like a very jaded and bitter blogger.
"Which makes me wonder - how many couples out there in relatively long-term relationships are staying together out of convenience"?
Well, how many of those *aren't*?! How do you go about quantifying something like that? Plus, not everybody is out to "play the field".
Also, to make the assumption that an engagement is "a rash decision" at 24 or 25 sounds pretty ridiculous to me, given that you've taken relationships into a lump sum and assumed that the couple's been in the relationship for a very short time. I mean, if a 45 year old gets engaged with someone that's 39 after half a year of dating, does that make them more likely to stay together?
"I'd love to see the statistics on divorce rates among people who marry at a young age - I bet they're astronomically high."
Actually, statistics say that marriages for people under *20* are "astronomically high" (80-85%). "The chances for a stable marriage increase as both partners reach the age of 30 and then the rates level off."
"At the heart of the issue is this: Young people can't select a marriage partner effectively if they don't know themselves well. Until they can identify themselves in a precise and detailed way, they are in no position to identify the person to move through life with them. In our culture, the identifying process usually requires most of the first twenty-five to twenty-eight years of life. Identity formation is incomplete until individuals have emotionally separated from their parents and discovered the details of their own uniqueness. Prior to their ***mid-twenties*** (midtwenties = 25), most young adults haven't defined their goals and needs. They haven't had time to learn to be independent. They haven't yet "grown into themselves." They simply need more life experience."
I am 26 and married with a soon to be 2 year old. It has its ups and downs but I never have to face either alone. Ok so with that said my god wait until your 27 to get married enjoy life together for a year or so and then have kids. Although I've only been married for 3 years we have know each other and dated for 10. and again still you have no idea who you are until you can seperate yourself from the world and know who you are and what you want. If you don't know these things about yourself your seriously taking a chance hopefully it works out and maybe it wont but think about it first break up for 6 months and if you still want to be together after 6 months of no contact then do it fuck do it get married but if you realize that you like your new life run and be free. that is my advice to all those who believe they are in love and want to be with one person forever
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